if you're feeling lost, stuck, or unsure what to do...

a guide + tips which helped me.

I am not going to sit here and pretend that I’ve suddenly “found myself” after a long period of feeling lost. I know it’s pretentious and annoying, especially if you’re currently feeling anything but stable right now. But I do know exactly how you’re feeling. I know what it feels like to be drowning in a sea of comparison, beating yourself up because you’re “falling behind,” unhappy with your current circumstances but simultaneously unsure of what to do next.

Only recently — by which I mean, the last few months — have I felt myself enter into a new chapter where feeling “lost” is not as present anymore. The fog has lifted ever so slightly. My life seems to be moving again; perhaps it’s just my perspective on life which has changed.

Maybe it’s Pluto moving into Aquarius. Maybe it’s me finally graduating from my “quarter-life crisis” (don’t worry, I’m sure Saturn Return will hit me soon enough and I'll be thrown back into the pits of chaos).

A few months ago, when I was in the depths of realizing how stuck I felt, I decided to focus on the simple things. Instead of trying to figure out the plan for my entire life, I focused on the next step in front of me. I focused on the small things I could control, rather than what seemed so large and existential and impossible to answer.

Sometimes, the process of being lost is essential for finding yourself again. I think it’s a natural part of being human. I don’t know if there's ever a point where the cycle stops — you lose yourself, you find yourself. Rinse, panic, repeat.

These in-between periods of feeling lost are a sign there is a version of yourself that no longer fits the clothes you’re trying to wear. The sweater is now too small and itchy; the soles of your shoes are worn with holes. You know there’s something more for you out there, but you’re still stuck in this chapter you have now outgrown, one which no longer feels like it resonates with who you are (or who you want to be).

Objectively, now that I am not in the thick of it anymore, I can say this is actually a very exciting time. It’s a good thing to realize you’re lost because:

1. Awareness is the first step in anything in life.

2. Life is clearly presenting to you the opportunity for change.

3. You have the chance to reinvent yourself.

4. The world is your oyster — you are not really stuck, you have an array of choices and options in front of you.

You are at a crossroads. Your soul/authority/intuition is nudging you to begin a new direction, or to course correct and realign to the direction you’ve wanted to pursue all along.

Something really important for me to realize was that I had agency. I could take responsibility and accountability for my life in a way that felt empowering. I am the captain of this ship. I am not a victim of circumstances; I don’t have to drift off with the wind unless I really want to.

If you are currently happy with your life, then by all means, keep doing what you’re doing. But if you feel unhappy and dissatisfied, constantly complaining “why me” and secretly harboring resentment when “good” things happen to other people, maybe it’s time to look at yourself. Maybe it’s time to remember it’s your choice to be unhappy and you are allowed to choose differently.

(I know this can be triggering to hear. I know all the arguments and justifications as to why you are most definitely not choosing your current circumstances. But I guarantee you — especially if you’re reading this newsletter — you have options, however small, that are available to you.)

Below are some of the things which helped me over the last few months crawl my way out of this hole of being “lost.” They might be of use to anyone who is going through a quarter-life-crisis, is feeling generally stuck, is at a pivotal point of transition in life, or to anyone who is craving change but is unsure of what to do next.

Movement

This was the singular word that repeatedly came to mind when I was feeling overwhelmed with no clarity in sight. If you’re feeling stuck and stagnant in life, then the antidote is movement — physically, energetically, emotionally. You want to move stagnant energy in whatever ways you can. The most basic is going to be physical exercise: it can be as rigorous as starting a new gym routine, but it can also be as simple as going for a walk everyday. That’s where I started — I decided to go for a walk outside (almost) every day, along the river at sunset. Even better if you don’t listen to music or podcasts (I’ll make an exception for ambient instrumentals).

Focusing on the physical body during these periods of feeling lost will help ground you in reality when your mind tends to be spiraling. When you feel better physically, it will improve how you see mentally.

Other examples of movement: cleaning out your space, getting rid of stuff/clothes you no longer use, doing small maintenance tasks you’ve been putting off (e.g. fixing a broken light bulb, getting your car serviced, booking a doctors appointment), yoga or meditation, sending out an email you’ve been avoiding, organizing/managing your subscriptions, getting a haircut, going to a social event you would usually say no to.

Can you see it could literally be anything? These things can appear so tiny and insignificant, but they create movement, however subtle, in your life, thus affecting how you feel and your ability to perceive. Movement helps you to clear out the debris; you are getting the energy moving again; you are circulating more prana, chi, or whatever you want to call it.

Close your eyes and get quiet: intuitively, bring to mind whatever you associate with “movement” right now. You likely already know what it is.

Energy

Everything is an energy game. Depression is largely based on a lack of energy. Fatigue is a common symptom when experiencing a phase of being lost. The good news is, you can create more energy, relatively easily. The most important question to ask yourself is: where am I leaking energy? Who or what is taking most of my energy? Where can I pull my energy back?

Take stock and inventory of the current variables in your life: work, relationships, friendships, habits, hobbies, thought patterns. Ask yourself, does this give me more energy? Does this feel supportive and nourishing? Or does it drain and deplete you and offer little in return?

Obviously, some of these factors won’t change overnight, such as working in a toxic job environment, or a deeply entrenched relationship in your life. The larger variables will take time to readjust, but the smaller ones you can start with today.

For example, maybe you’re spending too much time scrolling on Instagram or TikTok, or binge watching TV shows as a way to numb out. Maybe you’re drinking every night, or smoking too much weed, and waking up each morning feeling like shit. Maybe you’re invested in internet drama, political discourse, or community conflicts which serve as nothing more than distractions to avoid the discomfort of facing your current reality.

If something brings no personal benefit to your life, even if the collective tells you “this is important and you should think about it,” I don’t care: get rid of it. The energy you put into these things could actually be used to serve you and your life.

Cut the excess fat from your life. What is the single most dominant thing/person/situation/habit that is draining your energy right now? If you can’t get rid of it yet, can you change your relationship to it or make an adjustment? Can you pull back ever so slightly? Freeing up energy will open up the space for either you to see the next step in front of you, or for it to come knocking on your door.

Thoughts

Your thoughts matter. I hate to say it but they really do — focusing on what’s going “wrong” in your life is going to make everything appear worse. It’s very hard to feel good when you’re stuck in a cycle of negative thinking. This will consequently affect your actions and behaviors.

Take a step back and observe: what are the dominant thoughts you are thinking on a daily basis? Write them down. For me, I was constantly thinking about running out of money, about people judging me, and about all my (perceived) flaws and failures. “I‘m just socially anxious; I’m shy; I can’t reach out; I have no friends; nothing ever comes to me; I don’t know how to make money, it’s too hard.”

All of these are beliefs I held about myself influenced my confidence levels and self-esteem. But they weren’t necessarily true — it was the frame I was choosing to view myself through.

When you clean up your thinking — or at least, bring awareness to it — your perception of reality changes. You see the world differently, and you will see YOURSELF and your options differently. The most important thought to change is believing this is the way things will always be or that there’s no way out. Once you start to see this is not the case, your world will open up in front of you.

A helpful exercise: sit down, close your eyes, and meditate on the highest version of the life you WANT to be living. Feel it viscerally in your body. Does your heart expand, light up, and feel excited about that potential reality? The specific details are not relevant, just notice the quality of how it feels. If you can imagine it — or sense if through whatever your dominant cognition is — it absolutely represents a possibility for you.

Small Routines

For the last several years, I was practically free-floating in the void. No structure, no routines, no commitments to show up for. Whilst too much structure can be rigid and stifling — and perhaps I needed a period to swing in the opposite direction to heal from control — having absolutely no structure felt ungrounding and dysregulating to my nervous system.

Creating small routines, one’s that are actually manageable and work for you, can be supportive during this time. My sleep struggles have been well documented and one of the most helpful things I’ve implemented was having a night-time routine. No screens after 9pm, reading a book with a hot beverage, and doing a 10-15 minute meditation before bed. I genuinely look forward to it every night.

It could be going to a workout class you like every Tuesday, or waking up and journaling for ten minutes before opening your phone, a daily walk at sunset, or stretching before bed. None of these routines have to be forever, but having something consistent to ground into can help to stabilize your thoughts and energy when you’re feeling internally chaotic.

Follow the breadcrumbs

You don’t get out of a period of being lost by creating some huge life plan or goal that is way out of reach. You start by following the breadcrumbs. You start by following the tiny inklings which spark curiosity and joy. They can be completely random or nonsensical; they don’t have to relate to anything specific.

Maybe you’ve found an author you love and want to devour all of their books. Maybe you feel pulled to start a private blog writing about your current interests/experiences right now. Maybe you’re drawn to gardening or knitting or learning to cook more. Maybe there’s someone you’ve been meaning to connect with and reach out to grab coffee. Maybe you want a part-time gig as a barista. Maybe you saw an ad for a class or course that lit something up within you.

There are always signs. We are always receiving messages and guidance from our soul, as cringey as that sounds — it’s less about sitting down and “figuring things out” than it is about trying new things, being out in the world, and living your life. It is through the living that the breadcrumbs arrive. No amount of ruminating and thinking things over will get you out of this state. You’re going to have to take action — but don’t be scared of this word because it doesn’t have to be hard. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or monumental. Just take baby steps. Once you take baby steps, more steps will reveal themselves. They build upon each other, and the path forward appears on it’s own.

Go offline

Digital detox. You’ve heard it a thousand times, but it works. Mute people, unfollow people you no longer resonate with, or deactivate all together. Decide which social media platforms take the most energy from you, which feel the most “icky” each time you open the app. Instagram is a common one, TikTok or Facebook too. YouTube is great, but if you find yourself feeling worse after watching a video than before you started, take note.

I used to be addicted to watching video essays on the state of the world and current cultural trends. Whilst they were fascinating and interesting to think about, in reality they offered little benefit to my life. I might be thinking more negatively afterwards, or feel drained because of the topics discussed. Negotiate your relationship to the social media platforms you use; going offline will diminish your thoughts of comparison and feelings of being “left behind” or “failing.” Spend more time in the real world — connect with family or friends that feel supportive. Exist offline as much as you can.

Ask for help

When I finally admitted to myself — and others — that I was struggling, that was when everything began to change. You don’t have to do it all on your own. There’s nothing wrong with needing support. There’s nothing bad about feeling lost, stuck, or stagnant — everyone has been there at least once in their life, if not many, many times.

Asking for someone else’s perspective or advice can help you look at your situation more objectively. Maybe you don’t take it, or maybe you implement the parts which resonate. But having these kinds of conversations, either with someone you trust, a family member, or a therapist, is going to feel a thousand times better than trying to pull yourself of this state on your own.

Often, we can feel ashamed for feeling this way, or think that no one else is going through (or has gone through) the same thing. This isn’t true. It took me so long to realize that my close friends and family want to support me — it was me who was keeping them at arms length, convinced I was being judged when that wasn’t the case at all.

I think the most important thing to remember is that it’s never too late to change — no matter where you are in life, no matter how old you are, no matter how lost and far away you feel from your purpose. Just because something was working for you before, doesn’t mean you have to stick with it forever. You can throw away the rulebook at any point; you can choose to live life on your own terms.

I no longer choose to believe everything has to be hard and filled with pain and suffering. Not that there won’t be challenges, ups and downs — there will be — but this is your life, and it will go by before your very eyes and then it will be over. Sometimes you need to be slapped in the face with this fact. Sometimes you need to be reminded life is fleeting and you do not have to make things harder than they already are.

I overheard a conversation the other day, where someone said that they’re already fifty, and they only want to live another ten to fifteen years. I was shocked — that’s not a lot of time. It really hit me because on one hand, it always seems like there’s more time, that we can keep putting off what we truly want for ourselves (and our happiness) at some distant point in the future.

But really, the time is now. The best time to make a change was yesterday; the second best time is today (or however that cliché quote goes). It’s okay to feel lost — don’t make it into this huge and serious thing — and then it’s time to rediscover what makes your life worth living, what allows you to feel the spirit of being alive. That’s the journey. That’s the process of recommitting to life over and over again. You get to uncover the story. Pick up your pen, and begin again.