a list.

floor time, book recs, and my love affair with sleep.

1. I’m obsessed with lying on the floor of my empty apartment. Floor time is sacred. Floor time is grounding, humbling, a necessary part of my daily routine. Whilst I have no couch, no chairs, no dining table to sit on, at least I have my floor. And I am quite content to pass time doing nothing on my floor.

   

   my apartment looks like Joey and Chandler’s from Friends after they got robbed.

2. I took a writing course with the expectation it would push me to write more. Instead, I learnt that I cannot possibly force myself to write when I am not in the mood or have nothing to say. Paid subscriptions are officially cancelled as I realized:

   1. I never cared about privacy or oversharing on the internet.

   2. Any kind of subscription-based model does not work for me. (I thought I learnt this with my paid closed stories experiment years ago but alas, I tried again.)

   3. Making any kind of decision which revolves around potentially earning ~money~ is usually initiated by my mind.

   4. Writing is only fun when there is no monetary pressure attached to it whatsoever.

3. I’m on a fiction reading binge after discovering I can borrow books from the library onto my Kindle (why would I ever buy books again). Some books I have over the last two months:

   • Good Material by Dolly Aldteron — 7/10 (a modern day breakup story. Dolly is always an enjoyable read.)

   • 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami — 8/10 (dystopian fantasy. Japanese vibes. The most unsexual sex scenes I’ve ever read.)

   • Worry by Alexandra Tanner — 7/10 (two sisters living together for a year. Enjoyed the writing; hated the ending.)

   • Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin — 10/10 (it’s worth the hype and I know I’m so late.)

   • Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner — 8.5/10 (a memoir about grief. Had me craving Korean food.)

   • Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros — 4/10 (Bad writing and too many cliches. I still read the sequel, but it was even worse than the first. Don’t trust BookTok.)

4. People are stupid. This is my favorite mantra. 

5. For the last six months, perhaps longer, I have been losing my ability to care. About anyone or anything. Am I terrible person? Am I a bad friend? Am I a selfish bitch? I don’t know. At the same time, it feels peaceful. I’m fucking tired. If I don’t respond, it’s not personal. I promise it is me.

6. All I do care about is getting 8 hours of sleep a night and going to the bathroom every morning. My mood is up by at least 80% if these two things happen.

   

   “I’m busy.”

7. I am now 27. I get excited about buying mattresses and appliances and cleaning supplies. Is this what it means to be an adult? Look Ma, I’m doing it! 

8. I have this on repeat. Dominic Fike is always a vibe. Also been listening to Brat and am open to invitations back into my Rave Era™.

9. I have no idea how to make money. The longer I decondition as a quad-right Projector, the more incapable I feel of doing anything with a strategic agenda, which includes, “figuring out” how to make money. Is my mind terrified I will end up broke and homeless? Yes. Is my body perfectly content in a state of surrendered waiting? Yes. Shit. What to do.

10. I like existing. I like my silly little life. I like doing mundane things like going to the bank or wandering around the grocery store. I enjoy spending my days being lazy and reading novels. I like the slowness. I don’t have much to say right now. But I’m enjoying my simple existence. If you don’t hear from me, it means I’m doing well.