everything is different now

timeline jumping, eclipses, and getting a job.

I am someone who tends to cringe whenever someone mentions “timeline jumping”. Ha, these delusional spiritual weirdos with their manifestation rituals and positive attitude, I would think to myself. These are the type of women (because I have never heard of a man mention timeline jumping or “quantum leaping”) who make reels in shiny font with their shiny hair that tout the importance of cultivating an “abundance mindset” and about raising the “collective consciousness”.  

So you can imagine my surprise when one night, in between these recent eclipses, I was looking at myself in the mirror when I had an overwhelming chill run down my spine with the clear realization: I just jumped into a different timeline. 

Eclipses are often seen — spiritually, astrologically — as catalysts for change. Breakups, major life pivots, new opportunities presenting themselves and others blatantly blowing up in flames, are common during the eclipse portal (eclipses come in pairs, the most recent being September 17th and October 3rd). Eclipses accelerate changes you either knew needed to happen but weren’t ready to make prior, or can come as a shock when the universe clearly shuts a door in your face. These shifts can happen on an internal level — releasing old patterns, beliefs, or psychological loops — or externally, where a relationship, job, or situation might radically change or fall away without warning. 

Sometimes both happen at the same time. 

This is the position I find myself in, where I can almost separate the version of myself before these eclipses as a different entity, and now I’m recalibrating to a new reality that feels foreign. 

You cannot change until you are ready, and that readiness has nothing to do with the mind wanting to change. Change occurs when on a cellular or psychic level, you are ready to step out of an old version of yourself. You cannot rush or force this point to come any faster; you cannot leap across the chasm when the jump is too far. 

But when the moment is right, you might find yourself accidentally waking up in an alternate timeline. The world appears to be the same from outward glances, but everything feels different on an energetic level you can’t explain.

There is the possibility I was just high when looking in the mirror when this thought occurred to me. Or maybe, I was seeing how there are multiple versions of us existing simultaneously in parallel universes, and slipping between them is far easier than I initially thought. 

***

I got a job. On The Bear. (I joke, but I did get a job in a busy cafe.)

I hesitate to write about it yet, as it’s only been a week and I know it’s going to take time for me to emotionally process how it feels.

It might not be a big deal to anybody else. After all, getting a minimum-wage job in the service industry is usually people’s first experience in the workforce. I am definitely having flashbacks to my first job in a seafood restaurant thirteen years ago. 

But it feels like a big deal to me. There has been a little seed within me the last year or so, the desire to embark on a side quest to become a barista. Yet, I never acted upon it because I dismissed it as just my mind. 

So instead, I would talk about it with anybody who would listen. I would go back and forth and round and round as emotional beings do, indecisive to a fault. 

Until one day, I said fuck it, I need to find out for myself. 

I broke the Human Design rules. I let go of this deeply seated fear of initiating as a Projector. I disrupted the pattern I found myself in the last few years, of waiting and sitting on my hands forever, even when what I wanted was easily within reach.

This was not a magical golden invitation. This is not glamorous work. By all means, this is a “Generator job” — I’m on my feet, and it’s tiring as my body is trying to readjust. I’m still not sure if this was the “correct” decision to make. My emotional clarity is probably only at fifty-five to sixty percent max. 

But I know I will learn something about myself in the process. I don’t know if I’m going to last three months, or if I’ll stay a year. I don’t care. There is rarely anything or anyone that is correct for us forever. We simply have to cultivate the awareness to know when it is time to move on.

Waiting will always be there for me. I can always go back to my old life as a Radical Projector™ if this turns out to be a dead end.

But something about taking this leap has mutated me. The world doesn’t feel as scary. The fear of making a mistake doesn’t seem as overwhelming. There is something about taking aligned action — when the body is moving you towards it — that feels invigorating. It bolsters self-esteem.

If Human Design is here to teach us anything, it’s about self-trust. 

Trust that goes so deep, that nobody can show you or explain exactly how it works. 

Trust that is so encoded into your body, that it supersedes any system, modality, or opinion that someone might have of you.

I know if this all goes to hell, I’ll handle it. I trust myself enough to know I can find my feet again.

Because at the end of the day, it’s really no big deal. 

And I’m sick to death of taking myself and my life so seriously.

***

My mum told me recently — during one of our many conversations over the summer in Seattle — that my aunt’s mission in life is to have fun.

That might seem shallow on first impression. After all, life is filled with hardship and loss and grief and all of the terrible things that go on in the world on a daily basis. It seems frivolous to indulge in joy or fun when there are so many more “important” issues we should be paying attention to.

But I think she’s onto something.

When did we all start taking this so seriously?

Every small decision we build up to be this huge existential crisis. We agonize over finding our “path” and our “purpose”. We overanalyze ourselves and our lives under a microscope, measuring our worth based on ridiculously high standards that we wouldn’t even place upon our friends or loved ones.

Life is short. I don’t know how many times I need to be reminded of this. Perhaps forever.

We’re not here to be miserable¹. We’re not here to be endlessly suffering, as if it’s some noble or righteous path. You may as well enjoy the time while you’re here. You may as well be yourself in all it’s flawed magnificent glory. You may as well have fun when you can, laugh as much as you can, and practice gratitude for being alive in a body whenever you can.

We’re here to enjoy the Maia, not to be exempt from it.

These eclipses brought to the surface how many stories and beliefs I was identifying with which were looping in my subconscious. As much as Human Design says these do not matter, they do. They greatly influence our decision-making. They affect how we show up in the world, the actions we take or do not take, and what we believe is possible for us.

How many times have I said no to something saying it was my authority but actually I was just afraid? How many times have I decided what an invitation must look like instead of being open to how it arrives in real time?

The real experiment is to embrace not knowing, to embrace the mess of the process. Life really happens one decision at a time, pulling you along a trajectory that the mind cannot decipher through logic alone. You don’t have to have a grand plan. It only ever is the next step in front of you, no matter how small or insignificant or nonsensical it may seem.

Getting a silly little cafe job was my next step. It’s one thing to know your design and live it in isolation. It’s another entirely to be out in the world, engaging with people in a workplace environment, where I get to experiment with how I operate amidst so many factors I cannot control.

It was all within arm’s reach the entire time. When your internal frequency shifts, the external shifts along with it — when you see differently, you act differently. That’s all timeline jumping is, a shift in frequency which allows you to access a different version of yourself. A version of yourself that has always existed within you.

There is a part of me waiting for the other shoe to drop, expecting my emotional wave to plummet and return to the low-grade depression I’ve experienced almost all year.

And maybe it will.

But maybe, a new threshold has been passed. I’ve leapt into the void once again, and it might not possible to return to the past. I’ve committed to making the jump. I slipped into an alternate timeline. Everything is different now.

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a short list

• Quad-Right Voice Notes — I’m experimenting with a new offering, ~15 minute voice message response to a specific question you have about your chart, about human design, your experiment, a current situation presenting itself in your life, or my personal take on something you’re pondering.  DM or shoot me an email if you’re interested!

• Reading: Ambition Monster by Jennifer Romolini, loved this memoir. Of course I’m always interested in anyone who worked in the heyday of magazines and publishing. I’m theorizing she’s an undefined sacral with an undefined heart.

• Watching: these YouTube videos. I’m slightly embarrassed as they are very manifestation-self-help adjacent, but I enjoy her frequency. Maybe this timeline jumping thing got placed in my receptive brain because of her.

• Eating: Brookies = brownie + cookie bars. God bless America.

• Listening: to Jenna Zoe again? I don’t know, she says some good shit 😂 I think she knows more about Human Design than she lets on, you would catch it if you listen to her podcast.

• Something fun: making collaborative Spotify playlists with long-distance friends. Something about sharing your music taste with someone else feels really intimate, and it makes me smile to see whenever they’ve added new songs to listen to.

1. “We’re not here to be miserable” — Lauren Noble said this on a podcast (if I remember right) and it’s stuck with me all year.