thoughts on "purpose"

maybe you're trying too hard to figure it out. plus, a side tangent on aliens 👽

If any singular question has haunted me throughout my 20s, it’s been “what is my purpose?”

Bombarded with infinite possibilities — I could be a writer, or a flight attendant, or work in communications, or become an astrologer, or human design guide, or barista, or work with animals, or teach English in a foreign country — the choices are exciting. But oftentimes, paralyzing.

(I’m realizing as I’m writing this that — the various paths I’m interested in have actually been very consistent throughout my life? All the examples I’ve just given are not entirely out of left field…reminding myself there’s still time to pursue them if I want to 🙃)

Of course, “purpose,” according to my little brain, has always centered around “career.”

How am I going to make money?

How am I going to survive?

How will I be perceived as successful — by my peers, by my family, by the world?

I believe my obsession with purpose and “figuring out” who I am is what drew me to systems in the first place. I was obsessed with astrology in high school — I was drawn to any kind of personality-typing system I could find. It’s likely why I found myself balls-deep in human design the last several years… always yearning and searching for answers.

Today, we’ve placed so much weight on the concept of finding our “purpose.” It makes sense — in a world of rapid technological advancement, a myriad of distractions to choose from, an abundance (or over-saturation) of information, materialism, or experiences to indulge in — how are we supposed to know what is our individual path? How am I supposed to know what is for me?

This is likely the first time in history we have ever been able to ask ourselves this question, that we have been plagued by this perceived “problem.” For thousands of years, our “purpose” was survival. It was about having enough to eat; staying healthy enough to survive; procreation and protecting our children in the hopes they would survive, too.

(Of course, these are still central issues for many people alive today. But here I am speaking to the people who have the luxury of questioning — existential purpose. Non-material purpose. Soul purpose. Likely, all the people who are currently reading this Substack.)

As I was sitting by the fireplace with a friend the other night, I had an “a-ha” moment regarding my purpose.

My friend has always felt like she came onto earth with a specific mission. Only recently, does she feel like she is fulfilling that mission — that she has found, or rather claimed, her role and contribution to the collective.

Anything else surrounding her that does not enhance or serve this mission — including relationships, activities, experiences, hobbies — does not feel important to her. She’s locked into her path. She has found her lane of ease and creative genius.

There are people who come onto the planet with this sense of having a “mission.” A clearcut mission that feels specific and direct. For them, it’s important to carry this out. It might feel like their life has not truly “begun” until they step into their role..

But honestly, I have never felt this way.

In fact, the more I’ve tried to narrow it down — to lock myself into a specific career trajectory, role, or path — the more restricted I feel inside my body. The more confused I tend to become.

Our conversation veered into the topic of aliens and starseeds. If that’s not your jam, I get it 😂 I used to roll my eyes too. But bear with me. I think it can be useful in helping to discern your purpose.

If my friend were to describe her soul — she feels like a haggly-old-crone, blackened and hunched over with a walking stick, so old and exhausted as she’s experienced this world at least a thousand times over.

In contrast — I genuinely feel like this is my first time on earth.

I sometimes feel like a baby lamb who’s learning how to walk. Mystified and confused by basic human processes. A late bloomer when it comes to many aspects of life. Like huh? that’s a thing we have to do on planet earth? Why does it feel so strange and unnatural and uncomfortable all at the same time?

So the realization™ comes — maybe my purpose isn’t some grand mission or specific path tied to a career.

Maybe my purpose isn’t rigid or locked in to one particular thing like it might be for somebody else.

Maybe my purpose is actually just — learning how to be a human.

Investigating the rules of the earthly plane. Sampling different experiences and relationships. Following my joy and curiosity. Gathering data. Finding out what feels good, what doesn’t feel good. Observing humans in their natural habitat.

Maybe I am just going to earth school.

Maybe it’s not more complicated than that.

This realization felt like a huge sigh of relief in my body. A wave of lightness washing over my heart.

Like duh, of course.

I am not “behind” or lacking in discovering my “purpose.”

This is the path. I’m already doing it.

It’s perfect. Even in my blunders, detours, and challenging moments.

My purpose is experiential; it’s not singular or specific. It can look like many different things at many different times. Intuitively, I’ve always been led to the next thing I want to experience — it might not appear to be cohesive or linear, but what is consistent is the frequency I bring to the table.

If you’re someone who is also always been obsessed with understanding your purpose, causing you a significant amount of anxiety or existential pressure to figure it out — perhaps you’re just trying too hard.

When you zoom out with objectivity and the perspective of your higher self, or alien self —

it could be right in front of you.

You might just already be doing it 🙃

And how freaking cool is that?

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Until next time my fellow alien weirdos,

Chiara 🌀 👽 ✨